Dealing with Domestic Violence - A Brief Guide for Police Officers
It is an everyday occurrence in policing to have to deal with domestic violence of one sort or another. The first thing to accept about any domestic dispute is that there is no real win in the situation. An officer is being parachuted into something they have no real chance of understanding and limited resources with which to work. It is likely to be a highly charged arena driven by conflicting and volatile emotions. When considering domestic disputes we will first look at fights within the family and then we will look at the more specific topic of domestic violence (Disputes between partners.)
Before going any further it is important to remember that these can be very dangerous situations for an officer. What begins with anger directed against one member of the family is then redirected to the officer. And it can come from surprising sources. Do not assume that a child is not capable of violence. They may well have spent their whole life experiencing the turmoil and violence that is then occurring. If there is a gun or a knife they may be motivated to use it to protect any member of their family. They may see the officer as the threat because other family members are directing their anger at the officer.
Domestic disputes vary in nature. They can involve parents and children, siblings, grand-parents, and a raft of others. It does not help to think exclusively in terms of a stereotypical family - Mother, Father, and children. As we have discussed families are much more diverse and domestic disputes may have their origins in the evolving nature of the family. Stepdad fighting with his stepson and the mother stuck in the middle. Dad fighting with Mum’s new partner over how they have been treating the child. Parents fighting with a child because the child is really an adult. Situations are often complicated when it comes to removing someone from the house. The main antagonist may be the owner of the house or be the person who has signed the rental contract. Other members of the family may have nowhere to go. Children are likely to be torn in many directions.
Other factors likely to come to notice of police within the home related to a myriad of other factors. These may include disputes over who a child is allowed to date, forced marriages, what friends are allowed, or where the child is allowed to go. Elder abuse may stem form frustration over an aging parents declining health and the stresses it can place on a family. It can come form the aging parent having unrealistic expectations about the control they still should have over their adult child. Conversely it may be the adult child dictating how a parent should behave. Just because both parties should know better does not mean that bullying does not take place. This often takes the form of ‘If you really loved me, you would do this.’ ‘If you really cared about me, you would not do that.’ Here, the victim’s love for the other party is being exploited.
The other type of domestic dispute and the one is extremely prevalent is domestic violence. Here, we refer to the abuse by one person in relationship against another partner. Unless the local law dictates differently for the officer there should be no difference in whether the parties are married or not, or what gender they are. How the officer deals with it will be the same.
There are essentially two different the isolated incident or long-term abuse. The one of scenario is likely to occur when there has been an event and one party is reacting to that event. For example, the partner discovers that the other person ahs been having an affair. They lose their control and strike out or start smashing up the house. The emotion of the event makes it impossible for them to keep control. This is not about excusing the behaviour; it is about understanding it. In this case it should be a relatively easy task for the officer to resolve. Separate the parties until there is a chance for things to cool and for people to regain control. Often the person who ahs been causing the damage will cool almost as soon as they are removed and regret what they have done. The pain will still be there. Added to will now be regret. But they will be managing their behaviour unless something else sets it off. It is not unusual to get someone outside the house and calmed down only for the other party to stick their head out the door and start the whole thing off again. In dealing with situations like this understand the pain of those involved but don not, in any way condone their actions. ‘Had that been me. I would have done the same thing.’
The more common type of domestic violence occurs over a prolonged period. Here, it is not about the mistaken belief that the abuser loses control and behaves in a certain way. It is about a deliberate choice made by the abuser. In the majority of cases this choice will be apparent for a number of reasons. They are violent with other people. As soon as police arrive they are able to compose themselves and appear perfectly rational even likeable. When using violence, they ensure that the marks don’t show. If they damage property it will belong to the victim especially anything the victim holds dear. They won’t damage their own property.
Abuse is not always about violence. There will always be emotional and psychological abuse. Sexual abuse and financial abuse are often used as controlling factors. Control often begins with the perpetrator appearing to be charming and showing no signs of any violence. This is often followed by the gradual separation of the victim from any support system or friends. As time progresses the idea is to make the victim evermore dependent on the abuser. If children are present these too, are used as tools to control. Threats of violence may initially be used, to see how the victim reacts. Over time, in the mind of the victim, it becomes impossible to leave.
On arrival, the first thing a patrol officer will have to do is ensure everyone is safe. The next thing is isolating the parties to establish what has happened. It is unlikely that a victim of prolonged domestic violence will say anything in front of their partner. It is always worth checking with on the Police Department’s Records Management System (RMS) to see what history there is. Just because there is no history does not mean that the violence has not occurred before. If it is possible remove the perpetrator from the house although this can often be very difficult to do, as the victim will be too terrified to complain.
Take time with the victim. It may take them quite sometime to feel they are safe enough to say anything to you. Explain to them options and provide them details of where they can go for support and of safe hostels that will take them in. It can be useful to carry a couple of leaflets with details, to give to victims. Establish contact details and try to arrange a follow up with a trained domestic violence officer. If the agency does not have one then the officer should arrange to call back sometime when the perpetrator is not around, or arrange a meeting at another suitable location. It is important to give the victim choice. This has been removed from them and they do not need anyone else telling them what to do. Avoid being judgemental. It may seem illogical why they stay, but to their brain it is often the only option. It takes time and support to give them the confidence to change. Victims must know that any information they give will be treated as confidential, including their whereabouts should they chose to go somewhere else. Domestic abuse happens to both males and females regardless of age or a person’s social background or education level.
The officer should also engage with the perpetrator and talk to them about what is happening. Whilst their may be a limited amount of choice as to what the officer can do, there is little to be lost and it may buy a bit of a breathing space for the victim to decide what to do. Do not share what the victim has said. In some cases it may be necessary to conceal what they have said from the perpetrator, less that becomes the ‘excuse’ for further abuse. If a victim is to attend court the officer in charge of the case should contact them before the case and ensure that they can get to and from the court safely.
One of the most valuable resources generally available to officers are the various charity run shelters some of which specialise in taking in the victims of domestic violence, and any children. Many of these shelters are available only to women. From a practical perspective this makes sense. Unfortunately, there can often be suspicion and animosity between the staff running such shelters and police officers. If working in an area with high incidence of domestic violence, it can worth the effort to get to know the staff. It is much easier for an officer to reach out than vice versa.
Whether it is abuse from one partner or a conflict between various family members it can often be a difficult place for the officer to find themselves in. Given the stress of the situation it can be order to remember everything and harder still to get it in something approaching the right order. The diagram below provides an outline of what to do in domestic violence cases. It uses the mnemonic ‘I GO SAFE’ to in memorising the seven steps. As a rule I detest mnemonics, though they have utility.
Isolate the perpetrator from the victim. Take them to a different room. They probably won’t say anything if the other party can see or hear. Gather as much information about what is occurring as quickly as possible. Once they have time to think they may retreat into silence. Let them know what all the options are. And let them know you will support their choice. They should be free to choose and there should be no pressure to accept your preferred option. Once they have decided what they want to do, act decisively. If they decide to leave, do not let their partner intervene. Given any opportunity the perpetrator will once again apply pressure. If the perpetrator has to be removed, remove them. Don’t allow them to plead with the victim. Remember they may have years of experience in manipulating the victim. They will readily exploit any vulnerability. If the victim chooses to stay let them know you will be in touch. There should always be follow up, if not by a trained domestic violence specialist then by the attending officer. Everything should be done to ensure the future safety of the victim> if they have to attend court in relation to the matter then the investigating officer should check that the person can get to and from the court safely. Court proceedings provide perpetrators the opportunity to be in contact with the victim. Continuing interest in the victim shows that their safety is important and provides much needed emotional support.
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